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Stepping Stones

Sometimes, I feel perfect when I’m lying naked next to him. Sometimes… I wonder if I had just forgotten what it’s like to feel loved, thus making feel perfectly imperfect all of these years.

I think imperfection is ok. It’s perfectly ok.

I don’t want to rely on someone else’s affection to keep me hoisted and happy. But God damn it, I ache when I’m away from him. I thought about my single days. I thought about my hoe-days. .. and I started to feel bad. I didn’t mind being single. I mind being ignored and overlooked. What was a desperate ploy to prove a point to myself, has me reflecting a year later… wondering if it was all necessary… ?

Perhaps yes. Perhaps no.

I wouldn’t have met Chris otherwise.

I think about the stones I’ve stepped upon over the past 10 years and while I’m stepping, venturing… I don’t realize it until it has passed, that those stones were exactly where I needed to be standing at the time.

And right now, in Chris’ arms every night of the week.. with him caressing every inch of my 420 lbs., I kind of have to back up from the regret of last year’s sexual escapades. Why regret it all? What for? What good does it do to regret? So I can live bitterly?

Pointless.

Stepping stones, right? Never know where they may lead. If it feels good, do it. Shit, I probably would have regretted not doing it.

Why don't you ever write about your new love? I miss you!!!

Don't want to jinx it :)

How can I meet guys who dig my chub? I feel like if I sign up for sites, I'll come across trolls. I just reeeally wants some affection right now, I wanna get laid and what not. Ugh. How do you meet these guys? When a guy smiles at me, I don't know if I should say Hi. :(

They're all trolls. You may have to go through many to find a genuine one. Good luck, though. Don't do shit you don't want to do, either!

Lover Girl fell in love...

and that’s all she wrote.

Photo

discrepancies: Headband by gandalfphoto on Flickr.

discrepancies:

Headband by gandalfphoto on Flickr.

Photo

weedporndaily: A few days from harvest: "The White"

weedporndaily:

A few days from harvest: "The White"

Going With The Flow

Still there?

Me, too.

I’ve been basking in this love affair I wished for. In it 10 feet deep and still going down. Chris has become the best lover ever and also my best friend. The shock has worn off and I’ve been able to enjoy the ride rather than letting it pass me by.

Since letting my guard down, having sex with Chris has been even more amazing. Instead of studying where his hands are or how he looks while he towers over me, I study the feeling of his skin on mine.. the way he breathes on my back.. the way he curls his body around mine.. and the feeling of him entering me always feels like the first time, every time. I love him. I’m in love with him. I’ve never been more comfortable with someone in my life. I look at him and want him to take all of me. Use me how he wishes. And he did the other night when I gave him head on the couch… and for the first time, allowed a man to cum inside my mouth. Yeah, I spit. And yeah, it’s like that. Fuck. I’m fucked.

Ever think someone was made just for you? Sometimes, I think Chris was put here for me. Maybe me for him. Our bodies link just right as well as our minds. I feel like I had to wait forever to meet him. And I’m slightly pissed off at all of the shit I went through before .. waiting for him. This age difference makes sense. It makes sense that I would live damn near 20 years without knowing what the fuck love was, only to grow to the point where I wanted to going on a massive killing spree, or maybe, ya know, write a book about a massive killing spree… All those fucks, those assholes, those liars… I kind of can be forgiving to all of the pain and bullshit I endured with any other man before him, since now that he’s here, I no longer have to deal with it. I don’t have to think about it. (I said ‘kind of’ forgiving.) I don’t think a woman ever gets over being raped or damn near strangled to death. But it makes me rest a little easier knowing Chris would mutilate either of those men that did that to me on sight.

I feel safe with him. Being such a large woman, I’ve always felt that I needed to be with someone who was 6’5” 220+ lbs with a mean mug. Chris is a pleasant 6’1” 170 lbs. and he’s packing a shit ton of strength and stamina for days. … I feel like a woman with him. For once, I feel like a lady. I don’t feel like a giant. I don’t feel heavy or like I’m too much. I feel lovely. I feel wanted. I feel fucking amazing.

Chris and I spend a lot of time together so I hardly get those moments away where I can day dream about him and reminisce about those moments where he caresses my skin and pulls me in close to him… touching me like an old lover. I get butterflies thinking about him in that manner. Even still when he kisses my lips, they stir. He says I’ll get tired of him before he gets tired of me.

We’ll see.